kata and cough

11/15/2002:
kata [mucus; stuffy nose & throat] and cough knocked me out last night. also a lot of food in my belly. i ate hummus and pizza at Maggie's. i'm sure allergies didn't help my kata and cough. that cat disturbs me! could not even breath right when i got home.

the crew came in from their nkambe-nyos-wum trek on wednesday. tired and a little less than positive about their journey/adventure. yet in good spirits. it rained on them the first 2 days/nights. little sleep. lack of food. injuries. gendarmes issues at Lake Nyos. regardless, they're alive to tell about it.

i did Moral Instruction at GBSS on "ramadan and fasting" a couple days ago. went OK, i think. it's too general of a topic. i did "patience" at GHS yesterday. went better. it went well, actually. they're also more used to me.

the Bubas, Yusufu and i are organizing a Qur'an competition, on juzu' 3amma [the last 30th of the Qu'ran]. 4 categories. by the end of Ramadan, insha'Allah. with Qur'ans as prizes. of various sizes. my prediction: that little girl in GHS will win a prize (if not 1st prize) in category 1.

one note... as i was introducing Imam 'Ali's khutba on patience, i asked about the khulafa'/Caliphs. who were they? who led muslims after the Prophet? people were unsure/didn't follow/didn't know... who came after the Prophet in leading the muslims?

finally, one young man raised his hand and said "Shiekh Ahmed Tijani." OH MY LORD! i just moved on with a simple "no, that's not it brother." OH MY LORD! talk about brainwashing–no, wait, that's not fair. just lack of knowledge. unaware. unread. under-educated.

the blame begins with the parents, i think. it's unfortunate. Yusufu was saying the other day after we prayed taraweeh [ramadan evening prayers] at Buba's that he wouldn't know a thing abuot prayer if it hadn't been on his own initiative. that no one at home told him to pray or read.

i asked about muslim girls in school. there are so few of them. 3 in GBSS. 2 in GHS. sad... again, gotta go back to the parents. but can we simply blame them? do they, on their part, know any better? did their parents know any better?

subhan-Allah, how much parents are responsible for... for generations. not just our children, but of entire peoples. alhamdulillah for mine... God bless the. they've done their part. Lord guide and protect us... help us do our part.

maggie's birthday

11/11/2002:

happy birthday maggie!

...she's somewhere between Nkambe and Wum right now. it rained here for the past 3-4 days. ASHIA! i pray all is well with them. it's ajmal, tate, the two shannons and maggie. i expect them to show up by Tuesday or Wednesday??? tired, i'm sure. of trekking. and of each other, perhaps.

pleasantly surprised

11/8/2002:
good day today. feels like a pleasant summer afternoon back home. the last few days have felt like this, as we move into the dry season. these transitions between seasons here are great. such pleasant weather.

my APCD paid me a visit. a "how are you?" visit, as he put it. but we talked about quite a few things. in fact, i'm really very happy with the entire thing. go figure! between this visit today and my talk with the CD, our administration is actually being receptive/responsive.

i was pleasantly surprised by my APCD today. the things he said about the teacher training program i would've never expected from him. same man i had that conversation with in Yaounde a few weeks ago? it's like night and day.

i guess he'd heard it from enough people (and seen it himself in Nkambe, at least) that our teacher training program... well, sucks. to put it a little less than technically. i vented about students, teachers and school admin. he listened. talked, too, of course. and i even asked and got answers to long-time questions:

1. Q: why not primary school PCV teachers? A: because we're over-qualified, capacity building is low, and their needs too great or numbers too big.
2. Q: why not educational consulting PCVs working in an entire town at various schools? A: because we'd have to work with a local delegation office (Lord no!) and need PCVs with skills which aren't easy to find.

these aren't absolute/final answers... but they were good to hear, regardless. i still think we could diversify our approach, and take PCV placement case-by-case. placing some here, some there. according to their skills. that's probably tough to manage, though. they are thinking about placement in technical schools. SARs [i've forgotten what this acronym stands for?], too. but who'll have those skills coming in? anyway. at least i got decent answers. acceptable. and no doors shut.

i'm telling you! this was a different man. i wonder if the CD spoke with him? he even copied down the numbers i showed him on NW/SW TTC [teacher training college] admissions. he said he'd take them to MINEDUC [education ministry] in Yaounde and speak to the man in charge of TTCs/ENIEGs. ask him why they're so low and what they're going to do, if anything, to change that.

so he'll get it from the horse's mouth, instead of all this local speculation about whether the government will or will not do anything about our situation. no assimilation. low attendance. low motivation. if not apathy. too many teachers. i'd love to hear what this man in charge has to say about all that. i'll have to follow-up with my APCD.

hmmm... we also spoke about extension. transferring to Morocco, 1st. extending up North, 2nd. he'd hoped i'd entertain staying on as PCVL [peace corps volunteer leader] in Bamenda. ummm... no. i don't know??? all that - transferring, extending, etc. - seems distant now. a remote possibility. what changed? me, family, grad school? God knows.

get this. my APCD even told Auntie that if she didn't get more students next year, no PCV. i think she just won't get a PCV, regardless. we went out to visit GBSS [govt bilingual secondary school]. my APCD knows the principal there well. seems they were classmates. seems he had a PCV in Bafmen before. even asked my APCD to send another his way. good for him. i'm going to strongly recommend one. will fill out the site prospective form in december, insha'Allah. after i do some more research on the school.

i hope to be as blunt with Auntie as my APCD was today. should've seen how deferential she was to him! really, though... why do we humor her? protocol, yes. but i should just tell it like it is. i ain't gonna lose a job. she needs to hear why she (not she, our school) isn't getting a PCV. it's complicated. a shame, also. i don't want to see us pull out of training teachers completely. to lost that capacity building. maybe things will change? in other schools, if not ours.

so my APCD is leaving that option open. and the option for PCVs to teach at a TTC if they wish. he'll make a teacher training component available in PST [pre-service training]. albeit limited. i doubt secondary school teachers will look for more teaching hours at their local TTC, though. and vice-versa.

so... some questions answered. some questions remain. all in all, i'm quite satisfied.

GTTC #s

10/24/2002:
GTTC 2002 Admissions #s:
NWP [Northwest Province]

• Bamenda = 46
• Fundong = 23
• Mbengwi* = 23
• Nkambe* = 6
• Wum* = 15
• Ndop... new!
  

SWP [Southwest Province]

• Buea = 76
• Bangem = 24
• Fontem* = 13
• Kumba* = 56
• Mamfe* = 14
• Mundemba* = 14
• Limbe... new!

[*GTTC's with PCVs holding teaching posts]

provincial ecology...

 

10/1/2002: EE To Do

Provincial Ecology: by next meeting in Jan/Feb
(NW/W and SW/L Provinces with Eli)
-Ecological zones
-Relief
-Climate/precip.
-Flora & Fauna
-National Parks
-Conservation issues
-NGOs
-Cash Crops
-Map

GLOBE letter: by 10/2/2002
-testimonial to my [educ.] APCD
-ask agro APCD about teacher packets
-BBC Focus on Africa July/Aug/Sept, with Eli

EE Photos: also 10/2/2002
-Christmas Card (Mt. Oku)
-"On the Street" article with Tara
-Koko resources, copy for List and me
-EE mission on CD?

...things moved much smoother/faster today with EE. the notes above have to dos for our next meeting and for tomorrow. gonna get to a few of the items in the office early AM tomorrow, insha'Allah.

burning questions, like bushmeat

9/30/2002: EE Working Group

Newsletter Topics/Features:
-Green skills
-Personal experience
-EE announcements/committee
-EE in the field (or "in action")
-Province ecology
-Trivia/factoids
-PCV interviews
-"In the street"
-In the news

...EE meeting was a little less than organized today. started late. without Wendy, unfortunately. so our agro and educ APCDs took the reins. not much help. on our part, we [PCVs] were just jabbing away. PCV talk. Green PC Cameroon, Green PCVs, etc. the list above is from one of the final topics we discussed, the newsletter. we'll crank it out by Wed, insha'Allah.

Tara and i are doing the "in the street" piece. ask a handful of people about a burning question, like bushmeat. i think we'll do that. our APCD made us laugh/wonder with a comment or two about eating and transporting bushmeat. whether people thought it was legal or not. we'll ask the PC drivers, cameroonian and expat admin staff, etc. should be good.

at the Hilton with mama. picked up right where we left off. like she was here only yesterday. i'll be off to Omnisport [the PC office and volunteer house neighborhood in Yaoundé, named after the nearby stadium] in the AM. mama, too – maybe. she'll meet the CD in the morning or après-midi. depending on what she'll have plans for the rest of the day.

EE committee, Yaoundé

9/29/2002:
at the Kaelly Hotel in Yaoundé. mama arrives in another evening. 2 long days tomorrow and the next. EE working group meetings are all day. through 4pm.

Wendy [EE coordinator] has it all set up like a conference/workshop. which is cool... not the same ol' same ol'. but, seems like the same old agenda: PST, IST, Green PC Cameroon, resources, etc. i've got to do something about formal resources. EE resources, that is. in the classroom and with schools i suppose. we'll see what i can come up with.

i'm off to pray and sleep. would like to pray maghrib/'ishaa' at Tchinga, insha'Allah. the trip here was fine. went well. thank God! Wum-Bamenda, 3 hours. no mud, really. B'da-Y'dé, overnight. i slept, on and off. i paid Ibrahim 6000cfa for the ride [Wum-Bamenda trip on a moto]. good guy. good people, his family.

Alhadji [Ibrahim's older brother] might help with getting moms and i back to Wum. God helep! Alhadjijo [Ibrahim's younger brother] had quite a trip to Nigeria. a film, actually. with stolen papers, money, clothes, dead bodies and all! Manjo [Muhammadu Omaru] is back in Wum. haven't seen him yet. all right... the rain is coming.

"grow up: how to fix the peace corps"

robert strauss just published yet another article on "how to fix the peace corps" (American Interest, Jan/Feb 2010). this is something like his 3rd or 4th public piece on the topic. as always – though i'm sure not everyone in the peace corps community would agree – i found the article intelligent, insightful, scathing and well-written.

i agree with just about all of the main points strauss makes, though i'd take the edge out of the piece if i was writing it. but that's robert's style. it stings... just to make sure you're paying attention. for the most scathing peace corps critique, however, one still has to go back to ivan illich's 1968 "to hell with good intentions."

again, i don't agree with everything in strauss' article. but i do think his major suggestions for "re-imagining" the peace corps are right on point. that idea in and of itself, for the peace corps to re-imagine itself anew, is a compelling one.

here are nine of his main "fixes" for the peace corps (eight more suggestions can be found in the original piece):

1. tabling any discussion of enlarging the Peace Corps until it fixes the basics regarding administration, recruiting, country selection and volunteer placement;
   
2. reducing the number of political appointees from around thirty to two or three;
3. getting rid of the Peace Corps’s unique-in-government rule, which forces 85 percent of all American staff members out of the agency, along with whatever expertise they have gained, after a maximum of five years of employment;
4. exponentially increasing support to volunteers so that they are visited and supervised directly every six weeks rather than every six months, as is currently the norm under the best of conditions;
5. getting serious about doing meaningful, quantifiable work that makes a difference in standards of living overseas;
6. demanding a much higher standard of volunteer performance (and a much lower AWOL rate);
7. providing post-service benefits, comparable to the GI bill, so that more Americans would serve in the Peace Corps in the first place;
8. focusing on a limited number of technical fields that would give volunteers true expertise to offer; and
9. allowing terms of service shorter than the standard 24 months so that, again, more people could consider serving

all that said, i disagree with a point strauss makes in the article about peace corps' "unwritten 4th goal" (here are the first three PC goals). perhaps not total disagreement, but i'd state the point differently. strauss writes:

And forget the unwritten fourth goal of the Peace Corps being a place for young Americans to “expand their horizons.” Host countries aren’t interested in Americans who are searching for life’s meaning; they’re looking for people who can get stuff done. Americans who are lost, whether young or old, don’t often “find themselves” in developing countries.

i agree that inexperienced, unprofessional and immature volunteers aren't going to learn much about themselves or do much to help others. but i do think experienced, professional and mature volunteers learn a good deal about themselves through their peace corps experience.

and here's where i really emphasize my difference with robert's take... that if such volunteers aren't learning something about themselves, then there's something wrong. precisely b/c that would mean that they're not open to learning from others as others learn from them.

if they aren't open to that deep reflection and learning about another culture (or people or way of doing things) as they work together to "get stuff done," and to learning about themselves in the process, then something is very wrong.

i frame this in teaching-learning language, b/c i'm an educator. for robert strauss and others, it's about development. but there's international development and its focus on results (with facts and figures, monitoring and evaluation), and then there's internal or self-development that facts and figures can't capture. but that relationship, between "development agents" and "recipients," can. in both directions.

i suppose this comes down to what part of the relationship/results (or process/product) pairing one chooses to emphasize. robert strauss is emphasizing the importance of results for peace corps. a major point of neglect for an organization that thinks of itself as an agent of sustainable development.

on my part, i'd emphasize relationship for peace corps volunteers as agents of development. i wouldn't disparage that unwritten 4th goal, b/c the kind of cross-cultural learning implied by goals 2 and 3 isn't enough. americans need to learn more about themselves through more open, engaged, and unprejudiced relationship with other peoples.

but ivan illich's words still haunt us, in that regard: "The damage which volunteers do willy-nilly is too high a price for the belated insight that they shouldn't have been volunteers in the first place" (from To Hell with Good Intentions, 1968). i have two points to make about this. the first is cynical... maybe it is important for other people to learn how "lost" young americans can be, in spite of all the stuff we bring along with us!

my second response to illich's argument is that, in this day and age (though surely even in his), it isn't simply volunteers going abroad that "do damage." our american lifestyle does enough of that, without us even having to leave the comfort of our homes, cars, supermarkets, schools, suburbs, etc. i'm making a social, politico-economic and ecological argument here.

with that in mind, perhaps it is important for a generation of americans (not immature and inexperienced) to learn about themselves and their lifestyles... and about what it means for other people in the world, who can only dream about living that life. and what it means for a world that couldn't sustain it if well all did.

training americans to be change agents is what the peace corps is about. but you can't bring change if you're not open to it yourself. in fact, if you're not open to changing first. as i've written before, my notion of change starts inward and reverberates outward. in both directions. in my case, that means for both this young american and for his cameroonian friends and colleagues.

a (last) word or two...

also 9/2/2002:
a word or two about Tate/Shannon/Julie/Rob's visit. at Maggie's for brunch one day, Tate asks me about my faith. what i feel when i pray? what i love most about it?

hmmm... at best, connected/focused/serene, moved/emotional/present. at worst, just trying to get it out of the way. wal'iyyathu billah [refuge].

what i love most? my worldview. how i see/understand/judge/navigate things–life! it is, undeniably, me. muslim. hamdillah [praise].

Saidu and i were talking at the Lake [Wum] yesterday. 2 things he said he thanked the Lord for regularly. i echo the sentiments, even if i don't share them with many people.

...and 1/2 way around the world i keep making connections with people and, while learning that in sooo many ways we're all the same, i keep learning about myself:

who i am?
why i came here?
where i want to go?
what i want to do?
who i want to be with?


...so we ask for guidance and protection.

3 more pages...

8/28/2002:
3 more pages in this journal!

short list of what to take to Maggie's this morning. we get 'tranger dem [we have guests]... Tate, Shannon R., Julie and Robert. had a great brunch this morning and simple dinner last night.

we had nice walk out to the lake [wum]... quiet, peaceful out there. they're leaving tomorrow AM. i leave Friday, insha'Allah. will come back with Saidu [friend from Bamenda] and the rent money... INSHA'ALLAH!

i spoke to the family... mama and khalto [auntie]. they're a riot! good to hear from them. OMZ started school today. senior year from him [in university]. subhan Allah, how time flies.

both beautiful & bitter

8/26/2002: 4 and 5 of 5
3+4. talk w/Shawn about sustainable development and Small is Beautiful: OK... Shawn and i spoke about a lot on the way to swearing-in in Dschang. development, of course. economic, social, educational, etc. interesting. a lot came up from Small is Beautiful. it's opened me up to more of an economic opinion on such topics... an economics with a human face! :)

basically both Shawn and i were for more efficient/effective development. cut the BS. if it doesn't work, get out. but don't give up. change the angle. here's my point: big-towns/big-schools (i.e. GTTCs) are inherently, for right now at least, inefficient & ineffective (let's not go there on why). let's get out. but not give up. how?

work with GTTCs from without... seminars/workshops/consultation w/admin. and, staying on the educational issue, put volunteers in the smaller towns/villages (w/villages meaning places like Enyoh/Weh/Befang, etc.) where teachers are needed and can be productive. not stifled.

but where is the CD or APCDs to hear all this? as for the latter, ours is chillin' up in the air-conditioned 4X4 and fancy hotels (out of reach and out of touch). the former... he promised to visit every PCV at every post. he got to Bamenda late... and, as Shawn put it, it's hard to get love with a bad road [i.e. the Wum road].

i'm bitter, yes. bitterly so. and growing angrier at the man by the incident. why so? don't know. projection, perhaps. i'm frustrated.

i've said my... PEACE.

i want to write about...

8/26/2002: 1 of 5
i want to write but i don't want to write. my head hurts. my eyes specifically. glasses seem to be hurting my head. prescription? also got a shot to my eye playing [basket]ball yesterday. not sure what's up?! anywho... i want to write about:

1. family phone calls and update
2. dinner with the young crowd (under 30)... PESTO!
3. talk w/Shawn about sustainable development and
4. Small is Beautiful

OK! i di come...

call it a day

8/23/2002:
same day [as the last journal entry/blog post], the 23rd.

swearing in was fine... good to see PCTs, now PCVs! they were happy to see me, too. saw Mike and Todd off. kinda sad. also saw Mirabelle [my host-mother]. still not sure when she's coming to visit? puet-etre the 4th?

didn't make it back to Bamenda in time to catch the bank or Jum'aa [Friday prayer]. the CD spoke for way too long! in English and French. he said they wouldn't take Paul's IVP stuff this cycle. that really pissed me off!

he, the CD, is coming to visit us in the NW province. Sunday or Monday Wum, it sounds like. you know, i don't like the CD... i don't like my APCD... the SDO thinks i'm a spy...

but it didn't rain today and tucker's sheets and my clothes from last night are dry! take what you can get and call it a day... right? right.

relief - release - soaking

8/23/2002:
early morning hours here at chez Tucker... you will not believe what happened at a 1/4 past midnight earlier this morning:

i woke up to an all too visceral sensation of relief and release. warmth, too. yup... i woke up peeing. on Tucker's spare mattress! sheets and all.

won-duh-ful won-das!

and it wasn't just a tinkle... not just shorts and PJ-soaking, but all down the leg and sheets and through the mattress to the other side!

O Lord... how we are tested.

i got up and changed. the sheet and my clothes are soaking [in soap & water]. waiting for Sarah F. and Tucker to wake up so i can wash the sheets. they're getting up right now, actually.

what to do with the mattress??? hmmm... i think some soaping & soaking on both sides will do.

subhan'Allah... hot to explain this one?

and i've got 1/2 an hour to do all this b/c my APCD leaves for Dschang by 7am.

going to Dschang

8/21/2002:
"l'homme propose... Dieu dispose."
this [italicized] part of the saying is the windshield border sticker on the green [toyota] hilux that took us from Esu to Weh the other day.

i've made up my mind to get to Dschang for swearing in. to see Mike and Todd off [on their close of service or COS]. to congratulate the PCTs [peace corps trainees] on becoming PCVs [peace corps volunteers]. and to touch base with Mirabelle, who'll also be in Dschang.

i'll leave tomorrow. spend a night in Bamenda. WHERE? je ne se pas? catch a ride to Dschang with my APCD... and back. and then back to Wum, insha'Allah. i've got a meeting with Maggie on Saturday morning–no, at noon. all about EE. so i gotta be back by then.

filled out my project report today. tedious. reflective. got some ideas and a little guilt-ridden motivation out of it. HIV/AIDS and HCN [host-country national] cooperation... need to do more of both!

administrative grievances

8/12/2002:
10 past 1AM. latest i've been up on my own since . . . had a long apres-midi nap, rain and a visit from Todd earlier this evening. a little tired. should sleep. tomorrow will be busy. need to get my 1/4 reports done, a letter of recommendation for Paul and the GLOBE lectures. small-small...

had a long talk with Todd just now. PC Admin gripes, of course. around that letter from the CD. so here's the "specifics" he was asking for:

• pre-service training (PST) interview... be frank about what the administration cannot or will not do for the new volunteers-to-be. be more transparent about posts and the requirements they may have.
• general feedback (including in-service training (IST) and site-visits)... be forthcoming with information from past experience with PCVs and posts... don't just say this hasn't worked in the past, explain why it didn't work. give suggestions and explanations based on this.
• open to "new" ideas and approaches... basically, get us off the need to know basis. share information. develop a mutual give and take, within the context of a supervisory relationship. explain why you do things this or that way, or why they're done at all.

Todd also got me thinking about any association with admin... WHY BOTHER? do your job. less frustration. more contribution. job satisfaction. we came for service and cross-culture, not paper-work and bureaucracy.

and i'm thinking about this EE position, NW Provincial Rep... WHY? travel, long not-so-fruitful but frustrating meetings and what else? i have done and will continue to do EE. someone else can attempt to coordinate. i'm unsure... maybe i'll keep an open mind through the first meeting.

cycle of adjustment

8/7/2002:

Cycle of Adjustment

1. Intro & "Disclaimer"
2. Goals & Objectives
3. Processing (anecdotes, experiences, stories)
4. the Cycle of Adjustment...
5. Coping Strategies
6. Q & A

...had this [training] session at Ma Flo's in Santa, like last year. much the same format. presented the cycle, quotes, personal anecdotes, etc. it went well. PCTs [peace corps trainees] vented, asked questions, listened. nice. glad we did it.

i listened to fellow PCVs talk about going home and got lost in my head. thinking, with what i have to admit was some regret and doubt, "why didn't i go home?" all is well, though... i'll get back there soon enough, insha'Allah.

i just want to say that i miss home. i miss family. that's OK to think/say, no? i hope so.

chez sandy

8/5/2002:
in Nkongsamba. @ Chez Sandy. cool town. i like it a lot. mini-big-city, "le petit douala." there's an "american store," all kinds of food/produce in the "marche centrale," paved roods, busy streets even at night, and it's big. i like it. good for Sandy!

as for me, i need to get back to Wum... and, as Maggie says, settle down and let some moss grow.

we ate pizza at Bob's yesterday. Alice is here, too... been with Alice and Sandy since Friday. we were in Bamenda at Tucker's place. Sarah F. and Traci there, too. Sandra and i stayed up LATE last night talking... about relationships. Sandy listens well.

brotherly greetings

7/29/2002:
Buba and Mu'aathu send greetings to Mike and Mark.

the center of the world

7/28/2002:
in Wum again. getting up here [from bamenda] took 5 hours! we had a [volunteer] house meeting this morning in bamenda. our last one. and our last party in the slum last night.

it was traci's birthday. we made pizza and cake. good to see everyone. hang out. talk. with various people. on a variety of subjects:

• julie and courtney on west africa
  
• sarah on home
• tucker on her work
• todd on a bunch of humorous things
  
• mike on the african continent
• traci on relationships
• shannon on PST issues
• tate on feedback to admin
• kay on family
• eli on 1st Aid

i think that's it... though many more people were there. in fact, i slept on a chair in the living room. a more forgiving spot on my allergies.

at one point this morning... b/w talking to courtney and mike i had a little revelation. about Africa... how much happens on this continent. how it could easily be the center of the world, so to speak. the most dynamic place, at least.

sooo much going on. all interesting and intriguing. one could never leave the continent and find it all. what is "it?" i don't know... this revelation was mostly me thinking I could never leave Africa and be happy. what a thought!