let's hope we get a leader...

Note I posted on my door.

11/21/2002:
...long days. kata, cough and fasting are knocking me out in the evenings. haven't been writing much. at GPS [govt. primary school] today. observed some lessons. some students doing better. talked to the VP briefly.

we had a few teacher meetings at GPS. faculty teachers [the teaching staff at GTTC]. cooperating teachers [teaching staff at the practice schools]. student teachers [our GTTC students, the teachers in training]. basically, the VP laid down the law. told us/them how things should run. better late than never, even he admitted. so...

no more marking lesson notes at home. instead, at school on MWF. that should be fun! especially as faculty teachers barely show up. something like 4 out of 9 at the 3 schools today: nursery school, GPS I and II. and we have to mark lesson notes, observe and give feedback! right... we keep begging for more teachers. the admin says even the handful they sent out were like pulling teeth. 2-2000 cfa each.

i walked back towards town with the VP and Mr. Nsuh... talked about Auntie and what she's doing to our school. how it could/should be running. let's just hope that if/when she's replaced, we get a leader. in the true sense of the term. the VP shows occasional hints of it. professionally, at least. but what to say of him personally? really?...

good notes, poor delivery

11/20/2002:
i'm at GBSS. 10:15am. moral instruction is on now. now-now.

but i'm just from [teaching practice at] the primary school, where things are not moving well. not enough of us TTC teachers. i spend all my time marking lesson notes and little to no time observing or giving feedback. and that's what our students need most!

they just can't seem to deliver their lessons well. the lesson notes are well written. but poor, stiff, passive, forced, uninteresting, un-interactive lessons. anyway, it's only week 1 of teaching practice. by week 2 and then the 2nd and 3rd terms they'll be better, insha'Allah.

i'll continue after this class. this afternoon. still gotta go up to GTTC. Allah ya'een.

i passed the devil on the street today

11/11/2002:
i saw the devil walking down the street today. staggering a bit. visibly drunk.

he saw me, too. and for a brief moment, when our eyes met, i think both of us thought of saying something. but then quickly thought better of it.

there was really nothing to say, both of us knowing ourselves and the other person all too well. but we almost spoke.

in fact, he was so close to speaking that he caught himself only just in time to raise his hand, turn his face and say "oh no, i shouldn't talk to you."

somehow, i wasn't surprised. i suppose i agreed with his conclusion. and so went on my way.

now, i think of the encounter and chuckle. amusing. funny little encounter there in the middle of town, in broad daylight.

i passed the devil on the street today. he was so drunk he thought better of saying anything.

deplorable school

11/11/2002:
we had another boring staff meeting. completely useless. not even humorous this time. our administration, it seems to me, is as much at fault as we teachers are for the deplorable state of the school. and Auntie takes the brunt of that blame. she's got to go! i'm convinced of that. my talk with my APCD reaffirmed it. i don't know what to say about the VP, DS and the Bursar.

we have nothing at that school that indicates it even is one. a functional one, at least. at 3:30pm one could pass through our "campus" (3 or 4 rooms and as many offices) and think the place has been empty for months. it's a shame.

i asked the DS and SG [dean of students and secretary general] for tape this morning. not "can i use your tape?" but "do you have tape?" that being the only way to phrase such inquiries at our school, if they're to be phrased at all.

they both, of course, said no.

i shook my head in affirmation. of course you don't have tape. "how about gum [glue]?"

ummm... "no."

right, of course not.

then we all exchanged glances and chuckled. of course.

we all laughed. them a little embarrassed, i think. me... well, i just laughed. not really at them. but maybe just a little. in pity. but mostly i laughed because... well, what's one to do in that situation? laugh or cry. take your pick.

overnight from Yaounde, short and semi-sweet

10/22/2002:
it's still raining in Wum. steadily. road still bad in 2 or 3 spots. not passable sans 4x4. overnight from Yaounde was short and semi-sweet.

got to the parc [bus station] in Obili right after seeing moms off. she called, by the way... shopping in Paris! God bless her.

i made it to Bamenda by 5am. got in the same Land Rover we took to Bamenda on Saturday (again, with Mr. Nshu) and left by 7:30am. 3 hour journey.

i was spent by the time we reached Wum. still... it was the most direct route, ~12 hours between Yaounde and Wum. not bad. achy bones. sleepy head. patience wasn't tried. so all is well.

it cannot get any greener along that [Bamenda-Wum] road. beautiful scenery. Maggie and i are talking about that trek from Nkambe. in 2 weeks? 13 days until Ramadan. subhan Allah.

that part of my culture

10/13/2002:
lazy Sunday morning. "fields of gold" playing in the background. just ate فتة حمص [fattet humus] earlier. Paul and Christina passed by to greet on their way back from church. Harvest Thanksgiving. conversation got to weddings. tradition. contemporary customs. our place / your place.

i'm enjoying the amount of cross-culture moms is being exposed to. AND exposing people to, for that matter. and, as always with these cross-cultural conversations, we find that we're just as, if not more, similar as we are different.

i walked Christina home. she mentioned how she liked all the stories and insight moms has. esp. in our cultures' commonalities. i mentioned how moms (in being more traditionally eastern) was closer to their culture than i. Christina said yes, but that moms would make sure i'd not lose that part of my culture.

quotes on the wall

9/23/2002:

"A bad husband is better than a good boyfriend."

"If women were faithful God would have had one."

...quotes on the wall in Candlelight Association documentation [copy center]. talking to Mr. Ngwa about them. about taking them down. the 1st one really got Maggie's goat. both annoy me. gotta convince him first, i guess. otherwise taking them down just because we said so doesn't make a difference. does it?

back to school

9/9/2002:
twenty past seven in the AM. will be off to school soon. although classes only begin après-midi:

• ENV. ED. 12:20-1:15PM 2nd Year
• APP. SCI. 2:10-3:05PM 3rd Year

...mixed emotions about "back to school." that whole optimism/pessimism thing. anyway. looking to develop SOWs (schemes of work or curricula) for this year this week with the input of students. we'll see if they're even there today. the condition of the road (no vehicles and a 2,500cfa fare) coupled w/everything always being late???

"...later that evening."

wasn't so bad. today went well. hamdillah. only 5 students at school, though. twice as many teachers. Delegate of Education and the DO [District Officer] came around. Auntie in rare form. VP bitter. DS flustered. teachers just showing up to sign-in and split.

i sat down and talked GLOBE w/Alain this afternoon. that was good. we'll scope the site on Wed and begin w/students on Saturday, insha'Allah. he's excited and experienced. unfortunately, he goes back to school (Bambili) in October.

phone is still funny. not much headway on SOWs. Auntie will bring that new syllabus booklet tomorrow, insha'Allah. students... who will bring them??? Wednesday, PPIs [Provincial Pedagogic Inspectors]. Thursday, staff meeting.

got a lukewarm reception to the lecture series / workshop request. we'll see and push when the time comes. i'm no longer greeting Mr. Temikum [a GTTC colleague]. the man beat his recently delivered wife at the hospital! saw him in the market. excommunication is tough.

dreams don't last past waking...

9/8/2002:
Mirabelle and the kids left early this morning. we ate ndolé at Maggies last night. this journal will have to do. mama wants to come visit by late September. i wonder about the thin line b/w patience and fatalism, although i'm flirting with it rather awkwardly. i just finished Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children a few minutes ago. school starts tomorrow. i pray that i'm productive, hard-working and gratified. yet pessimism and optimism still see-saw like infinitely tireless children. there's a newly assembled photo album on my salon's table. i flip fondly through its pictures when songs deem it appropriate. often. i love Isma'ilah... and Rabi'ah i will, too. as the road bent towards Maggie's last night i laughed at myself and Wum. my home. dreams are there but they don't last past waking. Bamenda is too big. who will help me clean? my phone, it is disturbing. and the rain... comme toujours.

blank pages...

9/3/2002:
blank pages [in this new journal]. got that recycled quality to them. tough writing on them with pencils. anywho... i pray i can fill the pages with:

thoughts/memories/experiences
enriching/enlightening/inspiring
WORDS...
how they move us
i can't wait to move them.

i've been much guested [visited] recently. Saidu just left yesterday. Mira says she'll be coming tomorrow. the weekend w/Saidu was pleasant. a decent fellow. spoke a lot of French with him. so much that it confused my English... French came out when i wanted to say something in English, Pidgin and (on one occasion when Yusuf and Adam were here) even Arabic. too many languages. confused. WORDS!

ahhh, this paper... ça marche [will it work]??? no choice right now... that i've begun.

pictures & portents

 
9/1/2002:
having bad sleeping nights. cough, stuffy nose, trouble breathing, stomach hurts, body itches... Allah ya'een [succor]!

strange thing happened last night. heard this noise. recognized that one of the [unframed] pictures must've fallen off the wall. didn't realize, until this morning, that it was mama's picture (Saidu asked to see it off the wall yesterday)... AND it landed right next to me on the bed!

Maggie says i should get ready for another visit!

3 more pages...

8/28/2002:
3 more pages in this journal!

short list of what to take to Maggie's this morning. we get 'tranger dem [we have guests]... Tate, Shannon R., Julie and Robert. had a great brunch this morning and simple dinner last night.

we had nice walk out to the lake [wum]... quiet, peaceful out there. they're leaving tomorrow AM. i leave Friday, insha'Allah. will come back with Saidu [friend from Bamenda] and the rent money... INSHA'ALLAH!

i spoke to the family... mama and khalto [auntie]. they're a riot! good to hear from them. OMZ started school today. senior year from him [in university]. subhan Allah, how time flies.

tenant gripes, no change at school

8/27/2002:
on a different note... more frustrating. Kenneth [a friend, colleague and caretaker of the house i was renting] came over. we "discussed" house stuff. let's see... how to describe the dialogue?

not tense. not awkward. not loud. not angry, or bitter. i just kept repeating myself and Kenneth kept getting defensive... explaining away my gripes. so i kept repeating myself. and he grew frustrated. but he didn't really understand what i was saying.

i was saying that, against my better judgment, i need to and would pay rent. b/c i need to get the receipts to PC admin in Yaounde. but if it was up to me, i'd just hold on to the money until my door, water-heater and fence were fixed. the roof seems to be all right, for now.

so... in giving him the rent money i pleaded that it be used for all that. without much delay. b/c if it isn't done now... no rent again jusqu'à Décembre ["until December," as i paid quarterly rent].

again... our communication was off. way off! Maggie was in the kitchen. Kenneth actually wanted to get her in as a 3rd party [i.e. a mediator]. not sure why??? well, i am sure why... but i was cool as a cucumber. not angry, just persistent. we'll see what happens.

last note: there's been no administrative reshuffle at our school [GTTC Wum]. Auntie is our principal. the VP is the VP. both bad and good news, i suppose... still, a lot of us [teachers] are disappointed. will go on as planned with the workshops, insha'Allah. staff meeting on the 5th of Sept.

about our crowds

8/26/2002: 3 of 5
back and so fresh and so clean-clean! all right, na'eeman 'alaya [an old arab greeting for some who's just bathed, shaved, or gotten a haircut]. what's next on the list?

2. dinner with the young crowd (under 30)... din-din heir. Maggie, Greg, Alain and Kelly. we did pesto/pasta and garlic bread. interesting conversation. cool hanging out with a young, educated, opinionated cameroonian crowd. not that my other "crowds" don't do it for me.

Maggie and i joke about our crowds, they're a little different. mine isn't as classy! ;)

i want to write about...

8/26/2002: 1 of 5
i want to write but i don't want to write. my head hurts. my eyes specifically. glasses seem to be hurting my head. prescription? also got a shot to my eye playing [basket]ball yesterday. not sure what's up?! anywho... i want to write about:

1. family phone calls and update
2. dinner with the young crowd (under 30)... PESTO!
3. talk w/Shawn about sustainable development and
4. Small is Beautiful

OK! i di come...

going to Dschang

8/21/2002:
"l'homme propose... Dieu dispose."
this [italicized] part of the saying is the windshield border sticker on the green [toyota] hilux that took us from Esu to Weh the other day.

i've made up my mind to get to Dschang for swearing in. to see Mike and Todd off [on their close of service or COS]. to congratulate the PCTs [peace corps trainees] on becoming PCVs [peace corps volunteers]. and to touch base with Mirabelle, who'll also be in Dschang.

i'll leave tomorrow. spend a night in Bamenda. WHERE? je ne se pas? catch a ride to Dschang with my APCD... and back. and then back to Wum, insha'Allah. i've got a meeting with Maggie on Saturday morning–no, at noon. all about EE. so i gotta be back by then.

filled out my project report today. tedious. reflective. got some ideas and a little guilt-ridden motivation out of it. HIV/AIDS and HCN [host-country national] cooperation... need to do more of both!

bamenda to dos

8/15/2002:
what to do in Bamenda...

1. bank (withdraw cash)
   
2. post office (buy stamps)
3. photovictory (develop 2 rolls, by new one)
4. cyber cafe (email letter of rec and ask about computer)
   
5. helvetas (inquire into water protection project)
6. PC office (1/4 reports to APCD, letter to CD)
7. jum'aah [friday prayer]
   

too long to-do lists (e.g. 9/01 & 7/02)! when will i ever learn? ce'st dommage. yet it was beautiful, the long ride back up from Bamenda. i'm back in Wum now. 8/16/2002

in local news...

8/13/2002:

• Mu'aath is a new abu [father of] "someone"
• a good friend here in Wum wants a 100,000cfa loan
• another friend (and loanee) is MIA in Nigeria (3 months now)
• Maggie is a little down and small sick
• Mohamad is always in his head somehow

brotherly greetings

7/29/2002:
Buba and Mu'aathu send greetings to Mike and Mark.

early matin, apres-noon

7/25/2002:
rode out to Eric's farm this morning with Maggie. that man is always working. always on top of things. turns out he's been putting his eldest child through school with the njamma-njamma [greens] he grows from them! no joke... bags of the stuff in exchange for school fees. he even had a balance of 12,000 cfa that the school owed him at the end of the year! won-duh-ful wondas!

i'm fatigued now. was debating – well, no real argument – whether to get out of here and get over to the delegation. need to try and talk them down into a more reasonable project, at least for me. b/c if they're expecting me to come up with the funds, then things gotta be smaller. but my brain just couldn't convince my body to leave the house. let alone walk to the delegation.

i'll do so first thing demain matin [tomorrow morning], insha'Allah! i'm gonna nap now... my nap yesterday apres-midi [afternooon] went way over! today, we'll see...