Thursday, July 17, 2008

special place in my heart

11/28/2001:
she says “i shouldn’t have to tell you that you have a very special place in my heart.” and that should be enough for me... for so many reasons and in so many ways.

funny how the heart and mind can seldom be coordinated. not necessarily in conflict but running on 2 different wavelengths and often interfering. or at least all too often not coinciding.

you can tell yourself you will just stop thinking. and maybe you will. but the heart beats to a different tune and it’s one that drowns out thoughts.

so i think of her. with my heart. not incessantly. but enough. enough to make me wonder what it is i want? and why it seemed so clear then and so clouded now?

i know the answers. in my mind i know the answers. but my heart is ignorant of or ignoring all those thoughts. b/c no matter what my mind is saying, i know she has a very special place in my heart.

6 comments:

  1. this definitely strikes a chord. conflict between mind and heart. sometimes the mind is ignorant. sometimes the heart is blind.
    sometimes...we love by the will of Allah, and through that, we swing with the rope to a new place. and the object of our affection was a messenger, duty done, time to more on.
    all divine.

    i almost feel like i'm intruding here on this entry but i had to comment, i feel i've been in this position many times.

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  2. well said. and no intrusion at all. you're most welcome, friend. ahlan wa sahlan!

    salaam :)
    mohamad

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  3. the heart is what speaks truth
    the mind can muffle what the heart speaks
    i agree with anonymous1, i have been n this situation as well..it is truly a struggle...best to center, breathe, listen, medidate....
    i appreciate you sharing this mo :-)

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  4. mmmm well.....

    ok i'll share an experience as well since mohamad was generous enough: at one point, someone held a VERY special place in my heart. the heart loved despite the mind's protesting. later, the heart was healed, and had a chance to catch up with the mind, and when that happened, i thought:
    my GOD what was i thinking??

    hehheh just wanted to share. at the time, the pull of the heart was VERY strong.

    when i told a friend of this incident, she said, shaytan can influence you. very possible.

    but i know that the love CAN be a gift, you think you are drawn to the person when in fact the person is showing you something. and finally, you will thank the person for their gift, and recognize that the love was a TOOL to bring you closer to Allah. love for that person dissolves and is shadowed by love for something even higher and greater.

    whew a mouth full. just wanted to share this experience and journey.

    thanks # 2 --centering, breathing, and letting Allah take us toward something that is better for us than what we know is all we can do.

    and recently, when i let Allah do the work, it led to a very good conclusion that both my mind and heart are working on catching up with! subhanallah...
    signed,
    anonymous #1 :)

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  5. what insight from the anonymous! i'm grateful to you both. thank you.

    anonymous #1, you should turn this paragraph into a poem. it's so beautifully written:

    but i know that the love CAN be a gift, you think you are drawn to the person when in fact the person is showing you something. and finally, you will thank the person for their gift, and recognize that the love was a TOOL to bring you closer to Allah. love for that person dissolves and is shadowed by love for something even higher and greater.

    with brotherly love,
    mohamad :)

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  6. that quote is amazing, it really struck a chord with me..especially after making mistakes in a relationship you wonder what was the point of all that?? Once the other is gone, you are humbled, left to come back to the Highest Love, the Most Forgiving...and oh!, how easy it is to lose sight of Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem when you ignore what your heart has been trying to tell you all along. You lose your path, your way, and then these tests bring you running to Allah swt, hoping to be enveloped in His infinite mercy.
    thanks again for sharing that quote.
    -anonymous #2

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