i have one more thing to say about the trip to bamenda. about how our meeting with the CD went... basically, it just went. no surprises. nothing i hadn’t head before in terms of safety and security protocol, "being vigilant." we observed a moment of silence for the victims of September 11th... i had an urge to add “for the innocent victims in Afghanistan, too.” but not sure that would’ve been appropriate or appreciated. so i kept my peace.
spoke to the CD afterwards. tried to say something about how i felt. wasn’t sure what i wanted to say. it didn’t come out right. said something about wanting to vent. wanting to speak to him. to let him know how a person in my situation, with my vantage point, feels/thinks. i suppose i wanted to give him (someone in a position of authority) my 2 cents.
i believe it came out sounding like (and he saw it as) me wanting to be counseled. comforted. a “diversity issue” is what he labeled it. i guess it is in one sense, but it’s not just that... it’s also me no longer wanting to bite my tongue or keep my peace about thoughts, perceptions and actions that bother me. the stuff coming out of the radio and coming from his mouth, as well. but i sure didn’t convey that.
i want to have just one conversation with him. not so much as a PCV to CD. but i feel compelled to let him know where i, as an arab muslim peace corps volunteer, stand. i feel he needs to know. maybe he won't want to know... maybe he will. who knows?