what again?

8/31/2002:
in Wum after an aller-retour [round trip] to Bamenda hier [yesterday]. Saidu is here [a friend from Bamenda that came to visit]. had a good day... uneventful, but pleasant.

what again? my belly aches... my eyesight is bad. glasses hurt my head. perhaps its the prescription? it may need to change.

hmmm... the trip to Bamenda yesterday was tiring. we pushed the bus up Befang hill a few times. sat on no more than 8 or 9cm of seat on the way there, i swear! crossed the bridge over the Menchum [river] both ways. bad. scared old mommies and men. average of 4 hours en route.

anywho... did email in Bamenda. went well considering that i sent out 20+ messages in 1 hour, with a bad connection.

what again? nada/rien/zero/la-shayy'...

call it a day

8/23/2002:
same day [as the last journal entry/blog post], the 23rd.

swearing in was fine... good to see PCTs, now PCVs! they were happy to see me, too. saw Mike and Todd off. kinda sad. also saw Mirabelle [my host-mother]. still not sure when she's coming to visit? puet-etre the 4th?

didn't make it back to Bamenda in time to catch the bank or Jum'aa [Friday prayer]. the CD spoke for way too long! in English and French. he said they wouldn't take Paul's IVP stuff this cycle. that really pissed me off!

he, the CD, is coming to visit us in the NW province. Sunday or Monday Wum, it sounds like. you know, i don't like the CD... i don't like my APCD... the SDO thinks i'm a spy...

but it didn't rain today and tucker's sheets and my clothes from last night are dry! take what you can get and call it a day... right? right.

relief - release - soaking

8/23/2002:
early morning hours here at chez Tucker... you will not believe what happened at a 1/4 past midnight earlier this morning:

i woke up to an all too visceral sensation of relief and release. warmth, too. yup... i woke up peeing. on Tucker's spare mattress! sheets and all.

won-duh-ful won-das!

and it wasn't just a tinkle... not just shorts and PJ-soaking, but all down the leg and sheets and through the mattress to the other side!

O Lord... how we are tested.

i got up and changed. the sheet and my clothes are soaking [in soap & water]. waiting for Sarah F. and Tucker to wake up so i can wash the sheets. they're getting up right now, actually.

what to do with the mattress??? hmmm... i think some soaping & soaking on both sides will do.

subhan'Allah... hot to explain this one?

and i've got 1/2 an hour to do all this b/c my APCD leaves for Dschang by 7am.

bamenda to dos

8/15/2002:
what to do in Bamenda...

1. bank (withdraw cash)
   
2. post office (buy stamps)
3. photovictory (develop 2 rolls, by new one)
4. cyber cafe (email letter of rec and ask about computer)
   
5. helvetas (inquire into water protection project)
6. PC office (1/4 reports to APCD, letter to CD)
7. jum'aah [friday prayer]
   

too long to-do lists (e.g. 9/01 & 7/02)! when will i ever learn? ce'st dommage. yet it was beautiful, the long ride back up from Bamenda. i'm back in Wum now. 8/16/2002

life is beautiful

8/14/2002:

Quotes from Small is Beautiful [by E.F. Schumacher]:

"I think the stupid man who says 'something is better than nothing' is much more intelligent than the clever chap who will not touch anything unless it is optimal." p. 231

"Much will be expected of the man to whom much has been given. More will be asked of him because he was entrusted with more (St. Luke)." p.220

will be mama's birthday soon. sent her a postcard + birthday card already. according to rama [my sister], mama will be in turkey come the 17th of august. so i won't be able to talk to her on her birthday... c'est dommage!

i'll write her a letter then. it'll be this saturday. i'll be in ukpwa, insha'Allah. musnt' forget. also shouldn't forget to get more film! gotta go-come from Bamenda this friday. need 150,000cfa from the bank. 50K for me. 100k for my friend's big purchase (a motorcycle).

and the rain keeps falling... in buckets. they're all over the kitchen, living room and bedroom. the roof leaks in a 1/2 dozen odd places. but all is well. life is beautiful.

the center of the world

7/28/2002:
in Wum again. getting up here [from bamenda] took 5 hours! we had a [volunteer] house meeting this morning in bamenda. our last one. and our last party in the slum last night.

it was traci's birthday. we made pizza and cake. good to see everyone. hang out. talk. with various people. on a variety of subjects:

• julie and courtney on west africa
  
• sarah on home
• tucker on her work
• todd on a bunch of humorous things
  
• mike on the african continent
• traci on relationships
• shannon on PST issues
• tate on feedback to admin
• kay on family
• eli on 1st Aid

i think that's it... though many more people were there. in fact, i slept on a chair in the living room. a more forgiving spot on my allergies.

at one point this morning... b/w talking to courtney and mike i had a little revelation. about Africa... how much happens on this continent. how it could easily be the center of the world, so to speak. the most dynamic place, at least.

sooo much going on. all interesting and intriguing. one could never leave the continent and find it all. what is "it?" i don't know... this revelation was mostly me thinking I could never leave Africa and be happy. what a thought!

a little less than happy

7/8/2002:

-in the slum and down in the dumps, again...
-in bamenda and a little less than happy, still.

...all is well, though. riding this roller coaster of emotions. it will end. right now, it's just tough being alone. i'm in need of people. a presence. friends. family... i guess that's what i'm longing for. i'm dreaming of home. WHY? WHO?

anywho... i've got work to do. got into town late and the previous page [previous post] of "to dos" remains, more or less, undone. so... b/w tonight and tomorrow morning – b/c i need to get to training in Babadjou by afternoon... let's get to it!

things to do in bamenda

7/7/2002:
things to do in bamenda [tomorrow]...

• email: Boniface about 1st Aid Project in Wum, APCDs/CDs about EE work in Limbe
  
• letters: Sue Martin [former boss @ USNA], Dr. Yeide and Dr. Wells [former profs @ GWU]
  
• forms: quarterly reports to APCD, and EE application [not sure what this is?]
  
• misc: pack up stuff at the Slum, gas cooker and food (veggies, basil, yogurt and cheese)
  
• talk to Mike & Shanna about EE session! (GLOBE video, evaluation and resource update)
  

problems seem smaller

 
7/6/2002:
in bamenda. 2 nights in a row in the same bed... a recent record! haven't done that or eaten more than one meal a day for the past week or so. all this traveling!

in other news... spoke to family last night. Rama and the kids are moving to Dubai. which came as a surprise. a little sad. talking to OMZ made me lighter, though. he cracked me up. he's doing well.

kristen is here... good to see/talk to her. both b/c it's her and b/c i really need someone to vent to. about a lot of things. she's going home, of course... i'm not. not right now. not for another year, insha'Allah. things i want to do here.

kristen and i also spoke about EE in Limbe... b/w the botanic garden and the WLC there are legitimate and exciting volunteer opportunities. will see if we can help get them connect to PC.

thank God kristen was here! and that i talked to OMZ, mama and rama... they all helped me put my problems in check. funny how problems seem smaller when you just tell someone.

need to go to Wum. back here in Bamenda by Monday. then off to training in Babadjou.

peace
love
smiles :)
mohamad

just a little, but a lot

6/5/2002:
in Bamenda... a few things to do here ($, email, Dr. and shave) before i leave for Douala. before too long, insha'Allah. came in late last night. finished marking exams around noon and filling my marks at school around 2pm. left teh house around 5pm. got in here @ 10:30pm.

yesterday, as i was leaving school (it had just rained... and has been raining hard in Wum) i found myself gently picking my way through the rivers of mud and down slippery paths. the rainy season is upon us. 1 year has passed.

i think back fondly of Babadjou. what comes to mind is that i perceive all this in different ways now. just a little... but a lot.

quick note on a moment of clarity... looking up at a poster here in Amity Bank and seeing the world "NOTRE" in french, i realized what Notre Dame [the cathedral & university] means. "Our Lady!" gotta love these moments of clarity.

day after national day

 

5/21/2002:
back in Yaounde. at the volunteer house again. spent yesterday in Bamenda. National Day [May 20th] was uneventful. i made no attempt at catching any events, that is. 6 of us took a van down from Bamenda today... Liz, Todd, Eli, Tucker, Traci, Mike and me. funny ride. goofy.

can't figure out what i'm going to do for the 2-3 days b/w TDW [training design workshop] and TOT [training of trainers]. Douala with Sandy? here? no, not here... Kribi? i don't know. we'll see what the others want to do. and if i get things done over these next few days...

17 kg of goodies!

5/8/2002:
spent a less than comfortable night at the slum [bamenda volunteer house] last night. got there late. past 8 or 9pm. was raining. dark. wet. people talking about another burglary in the neighborhood. that had me on edge all alone in the house.

sam [the dog] didn't help... banging on the front gate soteh [until, in pidgin] it opened and leaving. all the other dogs in the cartier [quarter or neighborhood, in french] were making noise. not he. guess he's suffereing though... no love from anyone in the house.

anywho... moms is in DC. she decided to show up there and surprise everyone. all is well. people seem relatively happy and healthy. i got moms package from syria. 17 kg of goodies! great package. gotta love moms. she put some thought and love in there:

• music CD's... fairouz, abdelhalim, um kalthum, etc.
• gallabiya [middle eastern robe], table cloth and napkins, and a mortar and pestle
• cheese, halawa, magdoos, labneh, qamr al-din, mulukhiya and smeed

the Cheif of Bu sat next to me on the ride down last night. interesting guy. laywer. son of the old pa who teaches up at school with us. there's this ongoing dispute b/w the two of them. about who's cheif of that little farming village on teh other side of the menchum division.

oh... i went up to bamenda for some mon-ee! got it from the bank this morning.

bamenda and back

2/21/2002:
...well, was to and from Bamenda today. tired now... mostly b/c it’s late. Isma was too cute the entire time. too dirty as well. but i think i ended up being dirtier by the time i got back here this evening.

got to the bank. sent some letters. was unable to find an envelope to send that audio cassette i made. did send Isma and Das off. but didn’t do email. got mail from BP 5033. talked to the fam... got a few things from Vatican [imported goods supermarket]. got here safely... coming home is nice now.

wished Arouna and Dairou [two muslim friends in douala and yaounde] bonne fette by phone. tomorrow is eid al-adha! [feast of the sacrifice]... didn’t get to email. next time. spending eid in Ukpwa. gonna chop [eat] meat! Maggie is coming, too.

input-output

"income is the direct output of input."

-quote from a Christian preacher
on the radio this afternoon...

i.e. don't sweat the mon-ee, ee di come! [the money will come, in pidgin]

...was listening to the radio show as i waited for Joe, Apollo the plumber's brother, to come back to his shop at Fish Point in Bamenda.

back in Wum now. long day. not bad. especially as i saw Kristen... she's well. got a nice letter from her. sweet woman. school is good for her. a lot of hours. much work. she may also ET after this year.

all right... gotta sleep. tomorrow.

EE notes for NWP

these are my notes and feedback, as the new NWP EE committee rep, to my fellow PCVs at the "the slum" (Northwest Province volunteer co-house in Bamenda) from our national EE committee meeting (held in Yaounde on 2/9/2002):

cramped discomfort

2/12/2002 (part 1):
two days later [from the tired outline]. here we go...

the trip(s) to and from Yaounde were rough. did the Bamenda-Baffousam-Yaounde thing on the way there. cramped and uncomfortable. HIGHLY! had a friend traveling with me, from bamenda... and he had it worse!

in Yaoudne, the EE [environmental education] meeting was short (relative to the journey, that is)... good group. more on that later...

saw a bunch of PCVs, too. talked to Adam in Bamenda. he’s leaving (ETing) in June. on good terms, of course... he's probably known for some time now. Kay was ill and in Yaoudne. Nat, too. spoke to Kay... she’s leaving her village for another one, also in June.

not sure, but Kristen may still be unhappy with her post.... didn’t see her though. cannot confirm. Robert moved posts, as well. still in the SW though. that’s it for our stage... but i also saw and spoke with a bunch of other PCVs in Yaounde.

had an extended conversation with Mike. i vented. again. totally. was looking for advice. maybe even some inspiration. tough though. i kinda dropped or bounced a lot off him. he did ask one interesting question:

“ideally... if you had it your way, what would you do or what would you want to accomplish here?”

good question. what is/are my goals? figure those out, then go for it... just do it.

without any reminders

1/20/2002:
...a little before seven AM. i dey for vatican taxi-park... waiting to go to Wum. drinking cocoa at that man’s make-shift omelette-stand on the side. actually forgot to pay him last time. remembered in Wum. he thanked me for reminding him now.

kinda tired. stayed up a bit yesterday with the gang here in Bamenda. we ate pasta for dinner. then had a house meeting. i’m the new environmental education (EE) rep, Kay gender & youth development (GYD), and Nat VAC (volunteer advisory council). Kay and Kerri (w/Mike as liaison) are the new volunteer house managers. sorry the new agroforestry PCVs couldn’t be there!

...yesterday morning a few of us (including Adam, Kay and Nat) sat and listened to Garrison Keillor do The News from Lake Wobegon. you know... on NPR, A Prairie Home Companion. it was great. nostalgia. made me think of long rides homes on 66 East at night. that’s when it came on.

why i listened to that show, i don’t know? to Adam, Kay and a few others it reminds them of home... small-town America. their parents listen. NO ONE i know listens to that show! why did i? he can tell a story. he’s got quite a voice. peace-invoking. homey.

his stories hit home. no matter where that is. they’re so human... often touching and moving. and he’s funny. interesting sense of humor, but funny. i like the show. it reminds me of home. not small-town America, but home nonetheless. Lord! do i straddle two cultures or what?!

b/w listening to Abdelhalim Hafez and Fairouz, to A Prairie Home Companion... it takes a trip to Africa to show me that i’m more of an American than i ever thought, and that’s sooo ironic. but i’m also Muslim and Arab... and i’m reminded of that here constantly, as well. or do i remind myself of that? or am i just that without any reminders? i am.

anywho... i listened to Garrison Keillor’s voice and it took me home. and i was happy to share that with the people i did. now i’ll go back – hear him on NPR – and think of Africa... my friends in Africa. the trip that’s teaching me what i am. ironically. surprisingly. but it’s welcome. it’s all welcome.

all of me here

1/5/2002:
back in Bamenda. at the Hotel Mondial. got a couple of emails and several letters from home. i miss home. can’t wait for my next visitor. was telling Mike that earlier... can’t wait for the summer break. then the winter holiday again. Mike pointed out that i just want to be on vacation.

yup... i just don’t want to go to school. i don’t want to be a poor teacher. and i’m afraid thus far my heart really hasn’t been in it. and i won’t say “we’ll see” b/c i want to say “we’ll do”... i’ll just say insha’Allah.

you know... i’m happy here. things, many things keep me here. may God keep mere here. all of me.

mama's here!

12/8/2001:
at the Ayaba Hotel in Bamenda with mama. Saturday morning. did some shopping yesterday. not too much. a bit more today. we ate couscous (moroccoan style!) with Liz at the slum. mom cooked. Liz was great company. mom brought a ton of stuff from home. a ton! 4 bags. will flop [pidgin, for fill up] a Vatican bus back to Wum tomorrow morning. chairs, mattress and 4 bags being the big items.

praying for peace within

 
“Don’t force a journey.”
-written on the rear-bumper of a taxi here in Bamenda.

11/24/2001:
at the slum. pretty full. even Kristen came in from Mamfe. looks good and is doing well. we’ll be feasting today. THANKSGIVING! 1st... we have a meeting with our APCD about IST [In-Service Training]. 9am. PC Car will come pick us up.

i did maghrib/iftar/taraweeh [sunset/break-fast/night prayers] with a few Hausa shabab [young men] yesterday. that was nice. Muhammad from the mosque in Old Town Bamena. the one who translates Sheikh Muhsin’s Arabic into Hausa. well versed young man. there was also a young man whose folks live in Wum.

we ate at Hajja’s house. an older ma who takes care of them. we at so much, masha’Allah! Muhammad led us in taraweeh. even made a long du’aa [supplication] for witr [last prayer of the night]. the atmosphere was so comfortable for being around people i barely knew. so kind and hospitable.

good people here. makes Ramadan that much more blessed. makes me content. makes my heart a little less fleeting. Allahumma ij’al al-tama’neena wa as-sakeenah wa ar-raha fi qalbi [Lord, let there be peace, serenity and comfort within]... AMEN!