pondering patience

 
11/6/2001:
was pondering patience this morning. due in part to an extended dars [lesson] yesterday evening with the muslim brothers. we were doing the alphabet in arabic class. it took ~2 hours after ‘isha [evening prayer]. part of me wanted to scream with frustration. afterwards my mind was all over the place... i wanted to hit something.

same ol’ frustrations. commitment i didn’t want, but somehow found myself in again. commitment of the nature that always increases. i just don’t want to feel obliged all the time. sometimes i want my time, whenever i want it... not having to worry about that guilty feeling of letting someone down. but i guess that’s the sense of community. the ties that bind, if you will.

anyway... i didn’t scream and i didn’t hit anything. i bit my tongue and put it aside... my stress, that is. to sleep on it. and this morning i pondered patience. doesn’t seem like a big deal... yesterday. a couple of hours. we live.

patience is a wondrous thing. seems like as you practice it it spreads and settles upon you. and it applies everywhere all the time. patience. calmness. serenity. quietude. a way to deal with anything. a certainty that “this too shall pass” and “no condition is permanent.” but enough about that...

i went out to GTHS. a brisk walk from the house. ~25 minutes. through some shaded back roads. the campus is large. a lot of cypress. an allée up front. trees along the various courtyards between buildings. large workshops. alive with hammering, sawing, running wire, drawing plans... and a beautiful site bounded by Eucalyptus trees all around.

i think it’d be nice to teach there. interesting bunch of students. appealing atmosphere... with all the practical work and all. and the campus is just story-book. but alas... i’m here at GTTC. small, uninteresting grounds. same with the student body, i’m afraid. and an unforgiving commute. more than anything... NO CYPRESS TREES! GTHS had those all around. patience though. no condition is permanent.