do i finish the thought?

 

7/3/2002:
i'm in room 222 at the Holiday Inn in Limbe. alone, with a few key articles of clothing drying in front of the AC. the Limbe [volunteer] house is closed and empty. i did not know this. and i'm not sure where kristen is.

the only reason i didn't leave Limbe this afternoon is b/c i feel compelled to let the people at the botanic garden know, in person, that i won't be working there this summer. WHY?!... i'm not sure. i think throwing myself into work may help. and Limbe may keep me happy here in the tropics.

but that's all academic. no house, no job. besides... i can stay busy and be happy up in Wum, i'm sure. just have to want to. right now, i'm a little less than happy here. in fact, in many ways i don't want to be here. but i know that's a confused/complicated emotion right now.

i miss home. i miss mali. the grass was much greener in West Africa... all my frustration here comes to mind all too quickly and conveniently, of course. i need, as always, to settle down and think. i know i can do another year here... i can do another year here and excel. be busy & happy.

do i finish the thought???... do i write "but..." and go on? or do i make the best of it. as i have been... look on the bright side. find the silver lining. think of the things that keep me here. give them a chance to keep me here...