pleasantly surprised

11/8/2002:
good day today. feels like a pleasant summer afternoon back home. the last few days have felt like this, as we move into the dry season. these transitions between seasons here are great. such pleasant weather.

my APCD paid me a visit. a "how are you?" visit, as he put it. but we talked about quite a few things. in fact, i'm really very happy with the entire thing. go figure! between this visit today and my talk with the CD, our administration is actually being receptive/responsive.

i was pleasantly surprised by my APCD today. the things he said about the teacher training program i would've never expected from him. same man i had that conversation with in Yaounde a few weeks ago? it's like night and day.

i guess he'd heard it from enough people (and seen it himself in Nkambe, at least) that our teacher training program... well, sucks. to put it a little less than technically. i vented about students, teachers and school admin. he listened. talked, too, of course. and i even asked and got answers to long-time questions:

1. Q: why not primary school PCV teachers? A: because we're over-qualified, capacity building is low, and their needs too great or numbers too big.
2. Q: why not educational consulting PCVs working in an entire town at various schools? A: because we'd have to work with a local delegation office (Lord no!) and need PCVs with skills which aren't easy to find.

these aren't absolute/final answers... but they were good to hear, regardless. i still think we could diversify our approach, and take PCV placement case-by-case. placing some here, some there. according to their skills. that's probably tough to manage, though. they are thinking about placement in technical schools. SARs [i've forgotten what this acronym stands for?], too. but who'll have those skills coming in? anyway. at least i got decent answers. acceptable. and no doors shut.

i'm telling you! this was a different man. i wonder if the CD spoke with him? he even copied down the numbers i showed him on NW/SW TTC [teacher training college] admissions. he said he'd take them to MINEDUC [education ministry] in Yaounde and speak to the man in charge of TTCs/ENIEGs. ask him why they're so low and what they're going to do, if anything, to change that.

so he'll get it from the horse's mouth, instead of all this local speculation about whether the government will or will not do anything about our situation. no assimilation. low attendance. low motivation. if not apathy. too many teachers. i'd love to hear what this man in charge has to say about all that. i'll have to follow-up with my APCD.

hmmm... we also spoke about extension. transferring to Morocco, 1st. extending up North, 2nd. he'd hoped i'd entertain staying on as PCVL [peace corps volunteer leader] in Bamenda. ummm... no. i don't know??? all that - transferring, extending, etc. - seems distant now. a remote possibility. what changed? me, family, grad school? God knows.

get this. my APCD even told Auntie that if she didn't get more students next year, no PCV. i think she just won't get a PCV, regardless. we went out to visit GBSS [govt bilingual secondary school]. my APCD knows the principal there well. seems they were classmates. seems he had a PCV in Bafmen before. even asked my APCD to send another his way. good for him. i'm going to strongly recommend one. will fill out the site prospective form in december, insha'Allah. after i do some more research on the school.

i hope to be as blunt with Auntie as my APCD was today. should've seen how deferential she was to him! really, though... why do we humor her? protocol, yes. but i should just tell it like it is. i ain't gonna lose a job. she needs to hear why she (not she, our school) isn't getting a PCV. it's complicated. a shame, also. i don't want to see us pull out of training teachers completely. to lost that capacity building. maybe things will change? in other schools, if not ours.

so my APCD is leaving that option open. and the option for PCVs to teach at a TTC if they wish. he'll make a teacher training component available in PST [pre-service training]. albeit limited. i doubt secondary school teachers will look for more teaching hours at their local TTC, though. and vice-versa.

so... some questions answered. some questions remain. all in all, i'm quite satisfied.

out of touch

10/22-23/2002:
at one point in our brunch convo last Sunday Robert asked me how school was going. right. good question. i gave him my honest, biased, unabashed and scathing opinion. good answer. we discussed the issue. he asked some questions. i answered. we spoke about our program [PCVs at teacher training colleges] briefly. said i'd speak to my APCD about the situation again. this time with the most recent issue of meager student succession at the GTTC. Robert asked for feedback on the meeting.

i told my APCD that students are disenchanted and no longer interested in TTCs, b/c they're not being hired when they graduate. he, as an APCD of Education (a senior staff member of an int'l development org) says, "sure they're hiring teachers. just look at all the ones here in Yaounde..." no need to even finish the sentence. in fact, i was caught so off guard by the comment that i couldn't react. he didn't even realize what he said/was saying.

are we here to encourage teachers to move to Yaounde to find jobs? are government trained teachers to rely on only private schools for employment? how do any of these alleviate the development issues we face? rural, uneducated, unemployed masses migrating to already overcrowded urban areas. my APCD doesn't even have the #s from this years GTTC entrance. he was quoting COSed volunteers' quarterly reports. file those! they're out-dated. so are you. out dated and out of touch. c'est dommage.

my problem is feedback to Robert. can i be honest, biased, unabashed and scathing?...

provincial ecology...

 

10/1/2002: EE To Do

Provincial Ecology: by next meeting in Jan/Feb
(NW/W and SW/L Provinces with Eli)
-Ecological zones
-Relief
-Climate/precip.
-Flora & Fauna
-National Parks
-Conservation issues
-NGOs
-Cash Crops
-Map

GLOBE letter: by 10/2/2002
-testimonial to my [educ.] APCD
-ask agro APCD about teacher packets
-BBC Focus on Africa July/Aug/Sept, with Eli

EE Photos: also 10/2/2002
-Christmas Card (Mt. Oku)
-"On the Street" article with Tara
-Koko resources, copy for List and me
-EE mission on CD?

...things moved much smoother/faster today with EE. the notes above have to dos for our next meeting and for tomorrow. gonna get to a few of the items in the office early AM tomorrow, insha'Allah.

burning questions, like bushmeat

9/30/2002: EE Working Group

Newsletter Topics/Features:
-Green skills
-Personal experience
-EE announcements/committee
-EE in the field (or "in action")
-Province ecology
-Trivia/factoids
-PCV interviews
-"In the street"
-In the news

...EE meeting was a little less than organized today. started late. without Wendy, unfortunately. so our agro and educ APCDs took the reins. not much help. on our part, we [PCVs] were just jabbing away. PCV talk. Green PC Cameroon, Green PCVs, etc. the list above is from one of the final topics we discussed, the newsletter. we'll crank it out by Wed, insha'Allah.

Tara and i are doing the "in the street" piece. ask a handful of people about a burning question, like bushmeat. i think we'll do that. our APCD made us laugh/wonder with a comment or two about eating and transporting bushmeat. whether people thought it was legal or not. we'll ask the PC drivers, cameroonian and expat admin staff, etc. should be good.

at the Hilton with mama. picked up right where we left off. like she was here only yesterday. i'll be off to Omnisport [the PC office and volunteer house neighborhood in Yaoundé, named after the nearby stadium] in the AM. mama, too – maybe. she'll meet the CD in the morning or après-midi. depending on what she'll have plans for the rest of the day.

to do in yaoundé...

9/29/2002: Things To Do...

• APCD [Assoc. PC Director] – World Map project
• David [Training Director] – Pedagogic materials for proposed workshop
• Mama – SCORE shopping list
• PCMO [PC Medical Officer] – Schisto?!
• USA Cultural Center – GRE stuff

both beautiful & bitter

8/26/2002: 4 and 5 of 5
3+4. talk w/Shawn about sustainable development and Small is Beautiful: OK... Shawn and i spoke about a lot on the way to swearing-in in Dschang. development, of course. economic, social, educational, etc. interesting. a lot came up from Small is Beautiful. it's opened me up to more of an economic opinion on such topics... an economics with a human face! :)

basically both Shawn and i were for more efficient/effective development. cut the BS. if it doesn't work, get out. but don't give up. change the angle. here's my point: big-towns/big-schools (i.e. GTTCs) are inherently, for right now at least, inefficient & ineffective (let's not go there on why). let's get out. but not give up. how?

work with GTTCs from without... seminars/workshops/consultation w/admin. and, staying on the educational issue, put volunteers in the smaller towns/villages (w/villages meaning places like Enyoh/Weh/Befang, etc.) where teachers are needed and can be productive. not stifled.

but where is the CD or APCDs to hear all this? as for the latter, ours is chillin' up in the air-conditioned 4X4 and fancy hotels (out of reach and out of touch). the former... he promised to visit every PCV at every post. he got to Bamenda late... and, as Shawn put it, it's hard to get love with a bad road [i.e. the Wum road].

i'm bitter, yes. bitterly so. and growing angrier at the man by the incident. why so? don't know. projection, perhaps. i'm frustrated.

i've said my... PEACE.

call it a day

8/23/2002:
same day [as the last journal entry/blog post], the 23rd.

swearing in was fine... good to see PCTs, now PCVs! they were happy to see me, too. saw Mike and Todd off. kinda sad. also saw Mirabelle [my host-mother]. still not sure when she's coming to visit? puet-etre the 4th?

didn't make it back to Bamenda in time to catch the bank or Jum'aa [Friday prayer]. the CD spoke for way too long! in English and French. he said they wouldn't take Paul's IVP stuff this cycle. that really pissed me off!

he, the CD, is coming to visit us in the NW province. Sunday or Monday Wum, it sounds like. you know, i don't like the CD... i don't like my APCD... the SDO thinks i'm a spy...

but it didn't rain today and tucker's sheets and my clothes from last night are dry! take what you can get and call it a day... right? right.

bamenda to dos

8/15/2002:
what to do in Bamenda...

1. bank (withdraw cash)
   
2. post office (buy stamps)
3. photovictory (develop 2 rolls, by new one)
4. cyber cafe (email letter of rec and ask about computer)
   
5. helvetas (inquire into water protection project)
6. PC office (1/4 reports to APCD, letter to CD)
7. jum'aah [friday prayer]
   

too long to-do lists (e.g. 9/01 & 7/02)! when will i ever learn? ce'st dommage. yet it was beautiful, the long ride back up from Bamenda. i'm back in Wum now. 8/16/2002

administrative grievances

8/12/2002:
10 past 1AM. latest i've been up on my own since . . . had a long apres-midi nap, rain and a visit from Todd earlier this evening. a little tired. should sleep. tomorrow will be busy. need to get my 1/4 reports done, a letter of recommendation for Paul and the GLOBE lectures. small-small...

had a long talk with Todd just now. PC Admin gripes, of course. around that letter from the CD. so here's the "specifics" he was asking for:

• pre-service training (PST) interview... be frank about what the administration cannot or will not do for the new volunteers-to-be. be more transparent about posts and the requirements they may have.
• general feedback (including in-service training (IST) and site-visits)... be forthcoming with information from past experience with PCVs and posts... don't just say this hasn't worked in the past, explain why it didn't work. give suggestions and explanations based on this.
• open to "new" ideas and approaches... basically, get us off the need to know basis. share information. develop a mutual give and take, within the context of a supervisory relationship. explain why you do things this or that way, or why they're done at all.

Todd also got me thinking about any association with admin... WHY BOTHER? do your job. less frustration. more contribution. job satisfaction. we came for service and cross-culture, not paper-work and bureaucracy.

and i'm thinking about this EE position, NW Provincial Rep... WHY? travel, long not-so-fruitful but frustrating meetings and what else? i have done and will continue to do EE. someone else can attempt to coordinate. i'm unsure... maybe i'll keep an open mind through the first meeting.

dreaming of the north

8/9/2002:
last night i dreamt of the North. that i joined the Sahel Agroforestry stage up there. i spoke to both the agro APCD and the CD about getting it all worked out. not my [education] APCD, though. i was gonna let him down easy.

the whole thing started when the agro APCD got 5 PCTs less than he expected. so i volunteered, of course... what a martyr! courtney and julie [both argo PCVs who've spent time in west africa], as well. i ended up being posted in Maroua [the Far North], in the city proper. as an agroforester!

anyway... i fell a little short of dreaming of the sun and sand. of the athan [call to prayer] floating on the desert wind. of hot tea and floor mats. of boubous and mud huts with grass roofs. Lord!... 2 years and i'm still dreaming of another place.

too much travel

4/9/2002:
at Central Voyages [bus company] in Douala. going to Yaounde. for that GLOBE conference. i didn’t want to go, at first. still kinda blah... but my APCD called. and as he’s expecting me, i should go. i will go.

was gonna go to Nkongsamba [a city in the Littoral province] to see Sandy... that would’ve been nice. will call her. another time... i think i’m seeing too much of this country. at least these parts. too much travel. cities are calling me back. and i have to go back. to post, that is.

things to do in yaounde

 
check out how wide the lines are in this new book!

3/13/2002:
in Yaounde. at the volunteer house. left Wum for the reason stated on the 'permission slip.' met Mike in Bamenda and found out the meeting wasn't on, though. got his 2 notes out of chronological order.

down here anyway... a few things to do around the office. i'll list them below. then what? dunno??? people going North. i'm not. Douala? Limbe? Littoral? will find out. hoping kristen will come down. i think she said she would. we go see.

To Do in Yaounde
-talk to PCMO [Peace Corps Medical Officer]
-talk to Boniface [secondary project coord.] about EE proposals and nursery school PTA
-talk to CD [country director] about Morocco and a visit to Wum
-talk to APCD [associate peace corps director] about Morroco and 1/4-ly report
-write lesson plan for EE newsletter
-research on PC Morocco programs (environment & youth?)
-change home address
-taxes?!

thank God for teaching

hey... you know what?! site visit with our APCD went well. really well! can you believe that? i still almost cannot. i asked everything i wanted to ask. got answers. sufficient ones, at least. i said everything i wanted to say. he listened. even wrote a few things down! all-in-all, again, a very satisfactory site visit. who would’ve thought?

anywho... i’m in week 2 of fasting. and i must say, i’ve been hungry. not a bad hungry. but hungry. which is fine. that’s how i’m supposed to feel. hungry. school’s all right. teaching getting good. administration a mess. totally. in shambles.

if i didn’t enjoy teaching i can’t imagine i’d still be here. things just aren’t right at that school. if it wasn’t my second year here i can’t imagine i’d still be at this school. that bad. and if i worked at a place like this in the States... i know i wouldn’t be at the place for very long.

BUT, and there’s always a but...

• i’m NOT in the States. i’m here.
• this IS my second year. i’m staying.
• i DO enjoy teaching. thank God!

it’s just funny that as soon as i think school can’t get any worse. it does. but no matter... i laugh a bit and move on. i imagine most of you feel the same way about professional frustrations now. i pray you can do the same with the personal frustrations also. i pray all is well with all of you... PEACE.

aho!
Mohamad
11/12/2002
Wum

losing it, losing weight

this’ll be a little more on the sane side and short [i'm referring here to the entry just before this one in my peace & freedom journal that i'm too embarrassed to publish here... "wacky-vac" worthy!].

no worries. all is well... no matter what the previous entry might reflect. i’m happy and healthy. day 4 of Ramadan. fasting. i will be losing weight. i know it. not good. just can’t eat enough.

anywho... our APCD is coming to visit tomorrow. good 4 me! no, really... i do need to talk to him about a few things. COS [close of service], replacement here and the GTTC. hope that goes well... you know how talking to him can be.

i don’t foresee myself switching this book with anyone soon. i’m staying put here until the end of the month. maybe?! hope i can get a few of you to write in here again before too long. i pray all is well with wunna... PEACE.

aho!
Mohamad
11/8/2002
Wum

on gender and culture

11/26/2001:
Monday morning. back in Wum. the meeting with our APCD went relatively well. i.e. short and painless... we’ll see how fruitful it was come IST. i sent the health APCD an email regarding the HIV/AIDS session. that we’d like a session geared specifically to how to combat myths, preconceptions and misconceptions about HIV/AIDS, condoms and sex education. we’ll see... maybe i was asking too much.

the session on women’s issues (suggested by kay) would also be nice. think we’d have to run it though as the trainers were just looking at us with blank faces. it would be nice to address issues like some of the female PCVs face at post. discrimination and insensitivity on the part of men... knowingly or not.

this is tough only b/c we’d be trying to address something so entrenched in culture. some may hesitate to bring up the issue, fearing that it’s not our place to even attempt to change such things. i think it’s anybody’s place. it’s not just a 'western' notion of feminism and women’s lib... it’s about respect, equity and justice.

i don’t for a moment buy the cop out that such gender issues are cultural. that we’re better off saving ourselves the trouble of confronting it. maybe we can’t (i’m sure we can’t) change an attitude like that with one session at IST or even 2 years here. still we need to try and should start somewhere.

if the ladies can share some experiences and enlighten us on situations that made them uncomfortable/angry... ones we were/are totally oblivious to. we need to learn to be a little more aware of things said or unsaid that we ought not condone or be complicit in.

and this is'nt just for their sake but other women around us (Cameroonian too, of course) and our sake. kinder, better, less ignorant, more righteous people. but it shouldn’t be an issue of West vs. East b/c it’s not.

again, i don’t for a minute buy the notion that this is how an entire culture treats its women and, thus, something that cannot be addressed for fear of impinging on cultural norms.

ahhh... you know, who am i kidding? this is a very complicated issue. i need to talk to kay and adam about it. we’ll see what we can come up with for an IST session.

grievances

11/21/2001:
been a little while since i've written here. guess i’m adjusting to the Ramadan schedule. my APCD came around a week early for site visit. he and our PCMO [Peace Corps Medical Officer]. no big deal. house and yard were clean. mosquito net wasn’t up. the Doctor wasn’t overly concerned about that. said i should get it up though.

the APCD observed my Year 2 EE lesson on Biotic Interactions. no TELE-aids today, of course. no big deal. he said it went fine. it did. i tried to talk to him about some of my concerns but nothing came out or across clearly. GTTC issues. house issues. site issues. they’re not really ISSUES, just things i’d like him to know about. things a good volunteer “should” (?) be critical about. but, again, nothing came out right.

not surprising when i think about it, though. just finished writing a Peace & Freedom entry about it. the APCD only wants to hear that we’re happy, healthy, safe... and working to some extent. all else bounces off his shield of “i’m the APCD, the man with all the answers.” that’s not fair though, b/c i suppose that’s the case with Admin in general. only PCVL Mike has sat and listened enough (and empathized... i guess that’s the key) to allow me to vent with satisfaction. the rest of the PCVs too, of course.

it’s funny how we learn, with time out here, who to vent about things to. it’s sad that the people who listen are only the ones in our shoes and, in many ways, as helpless to do something about the status quo as us. so we learn to bite our tongues and keep all those things we want changed (no matter how trivial or grand) inside... we just say what they want to hear. the easy/simple/clean/comfortable answer. “no, all is well... no complaints.” God forbid we be dubbed complainers.

it’s sad b/c that’s exactly how things don’t get done. how they don’t get changed. strange how we adapt to so much of the culture. even the notion that you can’t change things... at least not with your voice/tongue/words. that’s too bad. b/c it’s a good thing in American society. all the higher-ups need critical, constructive and regular feedback. here it’s not thought of as feedback but complaints. and it’s not wanted and looked into but dealt with on the spot with some half-assed answer. “good, on to the next point.” bounces off people like a dud.

only once have complaints (no i’ll use grievances) been dealt with effectively... our 'gripe-session' at the end of stage with the CD. but you get the sense that he listened and took in the difficult, uneasy answers b/c he could do something about them. would be quick/easy for him to follow up and change things. so is everyone else who has grievances bounce off them just doing so b/c they really can’t change things? or don’t want to go through the trouble of getting the ball rolling to do so?

this has been a journal entry about grievances and the art of accepting/handling them. this journal entry itself is a grievance. not to some higher authority that can change things. but to/for myself. at least i listen. at least i let myself vent. at least i don’t attempt to answer every grievance even when i can’t. at least i can admit that some things cannot be easily answered or realistically/effectively/efficiently dealt with. but i listen and i let myself speak my mind.

bamenda

6/21/2001:
just finished writing another letter home. i need to get more out to the fam... rama, nowara, and the kids.

we drove out to bamenda today. relatively big city in the northwest province. forgot how long i’ve been out of the city for. bamenda actually feels more like a city than yaounde. that’s probably b/c we got an amazing view of it on our drive in, down from the surrounding foot-hills.

i took a couple of grand pictures. got me thinking about that dichotomous preference of mine in regards to living environment... big city or the bush. no small towns, please. babadjou is exactly that... maybe that’s why it’s been so rough getting comfortable here.

we’re really getting into the tech stuff in training now. they’re looking to place me in a GTTC (Government Teacher Training College). still not sure how i feel about that. we have our talks with our APCD tomorrow, possibly... can’t get to all of us.

i need to bring up a few issues with him. the living preference (although a GTTC may mean a “larger” town). wanting a mosque in town. hmmm... think that’s it. straight-forward enough, no? yes.

came back home (with all the relativity that should be accorded the term) earlier today... before 5pm. the sun was out and warm. beautiful afternoon. light shinning through my window and illuminating my mosquito-net covered bed inspiringly. took a photo (not sure how i feel about appreciating moments by “shooting” them???).

anywho... i was thinking that a day like today had epiphanous potential, if you will. gotta be happy about that. peu à peu = little-by-little. baby steps and i’ll get there. going out to enjoy dusk now.

practice my religion

6/7/2001:
can’t seem to get this alarm to work properly! anyhow... we ate dinner @ our CD’s residence today. quite posh. nice man. tomorrow ibrahim or ibrahima will be taking me to prayer (jum’aa, that is). looking forward to it. will be strange not understanding the khutba however. guess i’ll know how all the non-Arabic speakers in the states feel. looking forward to that, too.

full day today. seems much longer than a day. intros, orientation, shots, etc. actually, i’m quite impressed with the training staff... most of them cameroonian. professional. competent. friendly. patient... all it takes. looking forward to working with them at training sites.

still don’t know what to think about homestay??? most of us are a little worried about the language thing... understandably. that the staff is so confident and optimistic about it is comforting. it’ll be full immersion come Sunday when we leave for Babadjou.

my APCD already knows my name (enjoys saying it fully) b/c, he says, it’s different and i sent my aspiration statement in last! also b/c i “want to practice my religion.” he says he knows exactly where to place me, too. can’t imagine where?... the North is francophone. maybe there’s a Muslim town somewhere in the NW or SW... we’ll see. glad he’s taking care of me, so to speak. now i have to find someone to wake me up tomorrow...