4 young muslim men talking about marriage

11/23/2002:
back from another long night at Buba's. we talked, prayed and talked again. the talking was about education again. girls' education. young muslim women in wum. why aren't they being educated? are their parents' perceptions of "western" education (post-primary) justified?

it turned into a far-ranging conversation on women and marriage. here are some of the questions/topics that came up:

• educated muslim women, are they too independent? is there such a thing? too opinionated? 
• what are the roles/responsibilities/rights of muslim women to their men? what of muslim men?
• how will we raise our daughters? do we want to raise our wives? [i.e. wives much younger than us]
• what kind of wives do we want? "educated" or "illiterate?" in what sense of each term, western or islamic literacy/education?

all really very interesting points that the two Bubas, Yusufu and i were discussing. each with a point of view leaning in a particular direction. me with probably the most liberal/western notion of who i want to marry and how i'd like her to be. one of the Bubas also more liberal than the other two. yet none of us saying anthing out of the norm in terms of 4 young muslim men talking about marriage.

we disagreed on most points except educating our daughters. a must. but in what sense?... some western, some islamic, and some both styles of education. again, i know that distinction is problematic. all of us understood that. 

i must say that having the conversation with these 3 other young muslim men was enlightening. as to their views on such topics and, in light of their views, my own. am i that liberal? is it the westerner in me? where is this influence from? my mother? my sisters? being around american women, muslim or otherwise?

kata and cough

11/15/2002:
kata [mucus; stuffy nose & throat] and cough knocked me out last night. also a lot of food in my belly. i ate hummus and pizza at Maggie's. i'm sure allergies didn't help my kata and cough. that cat disturbs me! could not even breath right when i got home.

the crew came in from their nkambe-nyos-wum trek on wednesday. tired and a little less than positive about their journey/adventure. yet in good spirits. it rained on them the first 2 days/nights. little sleep. lack of food. injuries. gendarmes issues at Lake Nyos. regardless, they're alive to tell about it.

i did Moral Instruction at GBSS on "ramadan and fasting" a couple days ago. went OK, i think. it's too general of a topic. i did "patience" at GHS yesterday. went better. it went well, actually. they're also more used to me.

the Bubas, Yusufu and i are organizing a Qur'an competition, on juzu' 3amma [the last 30th of the Qu'ran]. 4 categories. by the end of Ramadan, insha'Allah. with Qur'ans as prizes. of various sizes. my prediction: that little girl in GHS will win a prize (if not 1st prize) in category 1.

one note... as i was introducing Imam 'Ali's khutba on patience, i asked about the khulafa'/Caliphs. who were they? who led muslims after the Prophet? people were unsure/didn't follow/didn't know... who came after the Prophet in leading the muslims?

finally, one young man raised his hand and said "Shiekh Ahmed Tijani." OH MY LORD! i just moved on with a simple "no, that's not it brother." OH MY LORD! talk about brainwashing–no, wait, that's not fair. just lack of knowledge. unaware. unread. under-educated.

the blame begins with the parents, i think. it's unfortunate. Yusufu was saying the other day after we prayed taraweeh [ramadan evening prayers] at Buba's that he wouldn't know a thing abuot prayer if it hadn't been on his own initiative. that no one at home told him to pray or read.

i asked about muslim girls in school. there are so few of them. 3 in GBSS. 2 in GHS. sad... again, gotta go back to the parents. but can we simply blame them? do they, on their part, know any better? did their parents know any better?

subhan-Allah, how much parents are responsible for... for generations. not just our children, but of entire peoples. alhamdulillah for mine... God bless the. they've done their part. Lord guide and protect us... help us do our part.

quotes on the wall

9/23/2002:

"A bad husband is better than a good boyfriend."

"If women were faithful God would have had one."

...quotes on the wall in Candlelight Association documentation [copy center]. talking to Mr. Ngwa about them. about taking them down. the 1st one really got Maggie's goat. both annoy me. gotta convince him first, i guess. otherwise taking them down just because we said so doesn't make a difference. does it?

on gender and culture

11/26/2001:
Monday morning. back in Wum. the meeting with our APCD went relatively well. i.e. short and painless... we’ll see how fruitful it was come IST. i sent the health APCD an email regarding the HIV/AIDS session. that we’d like a session geared specifically to how to combat myths, preconceptions and misconceptions about HIV/AIDS, condoms and sex education. we’ll see... maybe i was asking too much.

the session on women’s issues (suggested by kay) would also be nice. think we’d have to run it though as the trainers were just looking at us with blank faces. it would be nice to address issues like some of the female PCVs face at post. discrimination and insensitivity on the part of men... knowingly or not.

this is tough only b/c we’d be trying to address something so entrenched in culture. some may hesitate to bring up the issue, fearing that it’s not our place to even attempt to change such things. i think it’s anybody’s place. it’s not just a 'western' notion of feminism and women’s lib... it’s about respect, equity and justice.

i don’t for a moment buy the cop out that such gender issues are cultural. that we’re better off saving ourselves the trouble of confronting it. maybe we can’t (i’m sure we can’t) change an attitude like that with one session at IST or even 2 years here. still we need to try and should start somewhere.

if the ladies can share some experiences and enlighten us on situations that made them uncomfortable/angry... ones we were/are totally oblivious to. we need to learn to be a little more aware of things said or unsaid that we ought not condone or be complicit in.

and this is'nt just for their sake but other women around us (Cameroonian too, of course) and our sake. kinder, better, less ignorant, more righteous people. but it shouldn’t be an issue of West vs. East b/c it’s not.

again, i don’t for a minute buy the notion that this is how an entire culture treats its women and, thus, something that cannot be addressed for fear of impinging on cultural norms.

ahhh... you know, who am i kidding? this is a very complicated issue. i need to talk to kay and adam about it. we’ll see what we can come up with for an IST session.