never let go

8/21/2001:
another Tuesday night in Babadjou, but the last Peace and Freedom for a little bit. i went 1st and said only a few words. but then i was inspired (by what people said and read) to read the poem mama sent. in Arabic then a translation. i’m glad i shared. Greg explained his idea on continuing Peace and Freedom in written form. i think it’ll work. well.

we’re all to procure books and begin to write in them. anything. share experiences. write quotes. draw and/or paste pictures. whatever. just genuine. then, whenever we meet another stage-mate we exchange books and go on writing all the same. the books will be exchanged over and over... so everyone will have a chance to write in many of the books with or without getting their own books back. at COS (close of service) though, you get your book back. along the way you share and read, read and share experiences and we continue learning and growing from and with one another. wonderful! i love my stage.

Robert said something that i tried hard to remember today in his Peace and Freedom. something a friend wrote to him recently: “it must’ve been very hard for you to leave to Africa, but i didn’t see it.” indeed, how can you put such a myriad of emotions into words when whenever you try there’s a lump in your throat and tears in your eye? you swallow your emotions and hold back your tears as much as you can. on the outside you look stalwart. on the inside you’re crying out to be hugged, loved and never let go of.

that’s how i felt before leaving. now i’m here. glad i am though. in many ways glad i left, too. b/c i have a feeling that when i get back i’ll have a little better idea of how to express my emotions; how to cry, how to say i love you and how to ask to be hugged... and never let go.