follow the lead

11/1/2001:
Halloween’s come and gone and it’s now November. i want to be able to get in a zone in terms of getting the little “projects” done that keep piling up in my mental to-do list. like the SOWs (EE and Moral Instruction). reading NGO project proposals. putting together an EE club. writing my lesson plans in advance. writing home regularly. and a # of little ideas that come to mind every now and again... tutoring programs, HIV/AIDS presentation, b-ball tournaments, gardening, novels, etc. etc. etc.

i suppose i need to start staying up later... keeping it to 7 hours of sleep! or maybe waking up earlier??? before fajr??? we’ll see... “IBM = Insha’Allah, Bukra, Ma'alaish” [God willing, tomorrow, it's OK].

...one final note, the President of MSA [Muslim Students' Association] Bamenda sat in on our Moral Instruction class today. he even took an audio recording of the lesson (on the Hadith of Gabriel). couldn’t help but think about what PC would think about it... the “govt,” as well. i suppose one will never lose that looking over his shoulder feeling/attitude. it’s a shame though... sad, too. i can hear moms saying “don’t get yourself too involved." and i wonder (as i always have in hindsight) why i do.

it’s a calling... but if so, why the “looking over the shoulder?” why the frustration and the doubts? we’d always rather follow than lead, i guess. the lessons we learn the hard way are the enduring ones... and i learned about leading 1st hand. still a bitter taste in my mouth. but again... no one asked me to lead. don’t know why i automatically see it as that. somehow i don’t know how to toe the line? be active but not take on too much. gotta learn how to follow i guess.