i’ll begin this today/now just to begin. as usual, i’m tired. i’ll finish tomorrow, insha’Allah (God willing). i’d like to note the date (10/15/2002). the rain. my mother’s presence. her approaching absence. routine. apathy. holidays. home-stretch. among other things. OK, tomorrow...
OK, it’s tomorrow... and that’s quite an ambitious outline above. i go try. i’ll do it small-small:
the date: October 15th, that’s when everybody around here says the rain will end. last week, i doubted that highly. but, i must say, it finally looks like it’s on its way out. the rainy season. mama and i leave for Yaounde in a couple days. let’s hope the rain dries.
the rain: see above... one more note, however. not sure how they rainy season is like for you all. here it seems like on long (very long) and backwards March. in like a lamb, out like a lion. funny how things work here, ne’st-ce pas?
mama’s presence/absence: been great having her around. cooking. company. conversation. i haven’t stepped into the kitchen to make anything yet. and she came just in time for that... i was doing omelette shack specials and chocolate sandwiches all too often.
having mama just around the house is even better. i was getting lonely and homesick. the routine of wake-school-read-radio-sleep was getting tired. quickly. and speaking to mama about family, friends, history, politics, cross-culture... though not as in depth as last year has still been a relief and a blessing.
and now she’s leaving. Lord, the house will be quiet and lonely. i’ll be talking to myself again! in the mirror or in my journal. and cooking (or not cooking) for myself. Ramadan is fast approaching. Mohamad will be hurting in a week. no joke. ashia for me...
apathy/routine/home-stretch: i’ll do those ensamble. the 1st is how i find myself feeling about many things now. i don’t get as worked up. realism? pragmatism? fatalism? what’s in a name?
the 2nd is what i find myself falling into. just to make the time go by. life’s unpredictability is enough (b/w school, classes, roads, people, etc.)... i like a little order in life. although it’s not like me.
the 3rd is what i feel like i’m on. the long straightaway home, if you will. not sure how i feel about that. good or bad? maybe both? i’ll ponder that...
holidays: mama wants me (and the rest of our family) in Egypt this December. big reunion of sorts. i’d rather not. b/c of the 2 points above. how i feel when family leaves (or i leave family) and how i feel about our last few months here. her leaving is bad enough. i’m quite uncertain about going all the way to Egypt, seeing EVERYone and then coming back here. here...
thanks for reading.