nothing changes

look at the date. it’s still raining here in Wum. steadily. the road is still impassable except by 4X4s. things don’t change much around here. that should come as no surprise.

i’m alone. saw mama off at the airport yesterday evening. then i took a cab straight to the agency/park. overnight to Bamenda. arrived at 5am. got a seat (actually 2 seats) in a Land Rover going to Wum. we left around 7:30am. got to Wum by 10:30am.

i just slept for a few hours... right. not sure why i put ya’ll through all of that. sorry. all is well. happy and healthy. happy and healthy. nothing changes.

aho!
Mohamad
10/22/2002
Wum

ambitious outline

i’ll begin this today/now just to begin. as usual, i’m tired. i’ll finish tomorrow, insha’Allah (God willing). i’d like to note the date (10/15/2002). the rain. my mother’s presence. her approaching absence. routine. apathy. holidays. home-stretch. among other things. OK, tomorrow...

OK, it’s tomorrow... and that’s quite an ambitious outline above. i go try. i’ll do it small-small:

the date: October 15th, that’s when everybody around here says the rain will end. last week, i doubted that highly. but, i must say, it finally looks like it’s on its way out. the rainy season. mama and i leave for Yaounde in a couple days. let’s hope the rain dries.

the rain: see above... one more note, however. not sure how they rainy season is like for you all. here it seems like on long (very long) and backwards March. in like a lamb, out like a lion. funny how things work here, ne’st-ce pas?

mama’s presence/absence: been great having her around. cooking. company. conversation. i haven’t stepped into the kitchen to make anything yet. and she came just in time for that... i was doing omelette shack specials and chocolate sandwiches all too often.

having mama just around the house is even better. i was getting lonely and homesick. the routine of wake-school-read-radio-sleep was getting tired. quickly. and speaking to mama about family, friends, history, politics, cross-culture... though not as in depth as last year has still been a relief and a blessing.

and now she’s leaving. Lord, the house will be quiet and lonely. i’ll be talking to myself again! in the mirror or in my journal. and cooking (or not cooking) for myself. Ramadan is fast approaching. Mohamad will be hurting in a week. no joke. ashia for me...

apathy/routine/home-stretch: i’ll do those ensamble. the 1st is how i find myself feeling about many things now. i don’t get as worked up. realism? pragmatism? fatalism? what’s in a name?

the 2nd is what i find myself falling into. just to make the time go by. life’s unpredictability is enough (b/w school, classes, roads, people, etc.)... i like a little order in life. although it’s not like me.

the 3rd is what i feel like i’m on. the long straightaway home, if you will. not sure how i feel about that. good or bad? maybe both? i’ll ponder that...

holidays: mama wants me (and the rest of our family) in Egypt this December. big reunion of sorts. i’d rather not. b/c of the 2 points above. how i feel when family leaves (or i leave family) and how i feel about our last few months here. her leaving is bad enough. i’m quite uncertain about going all the way to Egypt, seeing EVERYone and then coming back here. here...

thanks for reading.

aho!
Mohamad
10/15-16/2002
HERE!

sky crying, school sad

sky is crying. we’re more than a week into October and the rain shows little sign of letting up. rains much at night. which is, in itself, a sign of seasonal change. but it’s still raining during the day. and often heavily. road is bad. people still taking “tippers” (sand trucks) back and forth from Bamenda. paying 2,500 cfa [compared to the usual 1000 cfa].

on another note, tomorrow wil make a month into the school year. and that makes me cry. state of affairs at notre ecole is bad. it's sad, really... time-table still not finalized. students sparse. teachers sparser. administration is somewhere between incompetent and apathetic. i’m ambivalent.

we can’t even hold a staff meeting! one was scheduled for today but less than 1/3 of us showed up. we waited 2 hours. taught little to nothing in the mean time. 2 and ½ hours after scheduled starting time the meeting was canceled. postponed until Thursday. we’ll see who’ll take this next one seriously. c’est dommage.

i didn’t want to write about all of this... guess it’s still on my mind. i’m tired. as usual. got work to do. PEACE. i pray all is well with wunna.

aho!
Mohamad
10/8/2002
Wum

the prophet

and his soul cried out to them, and he said:
sons of my ancient mother, you riders of the tides,
how often have you sailed in my dreams.

and now you come in my awakening, which is my deeper dream.
ready am i to go, and my eagerness with sails full set awaits the wind.

only another breath will i breathe in this still air, only another loving look cast backward,
and then i shall stand among you, a seafarer among seafarers.

and you, vast sea, sleepless mother,
who alone are PEACE & FREEDOM to the river and the stream,
only another winding will this stream make, only another murmur in this glade,
and then shall i come to you, a boundless drop to a boundless ocean.

-Khalil Gibran, The Prophet (1923)

aho!
Mohamad
10/5/2002
Wum

NW. SW. US. peace.

well... i didn't take this book along to Yaounde with me. back in Wum. mama is here. we're both safe and sound. the Bamenda-Wum road was bad. muddy. very muddy. luckily, a friend helped us out with a ride. Yaounde was all right... same ol' same ol' when it comes to these meetings.

hmmm... what to say? i was hoping to not just babble this time. earlier, a thought or 2 – about being a volunteer, action vs. words, etc. – came to mind. now i'm not sure i want to go there. was just thinking about all the things i want to do, said i would do, thought about doing BUT didn't.

again, and appropriately enough, i won't go there. not tonight. i'm tired. i pray all is well with all of you. in the NW. in the SW. back in the US. peace.

aho!
Mohamad
10/4/2002
Wum

quotidian...

one week left in september, subhan’Allah... “time slips away without warning, but freedom day will come...” all is well. a little frustrated because i JUST realized someone spoiled the sunflower i’d planted in my front yard. probably one of the kids or chickens???

what a fowl mood something like that can put you in! the thing is snapped at the base of the stem. hanging on to life by a fiber or 2. maybe it’ll live? how many xylem/phloem cell junctions does a plant need to survive? we go see...

like i said, all is well. i’m falling into a routine: sleep. exercise. eat. school. eat. sleep. work/read. eat. ...and plug prayer in there 5 times a day. can you say quotidian? mama will be here in less than a week. no routine then. and nothing is quotidian with mama around. God Bless her!

aho!
Mohamad
9/24/2002
Wum

only 5 of us left writing...

OK... it’s just about past my bedtime, but i need my Peace & Freedom fix. i’m trying to keep myself disciplined... trying to fall into a routine here. ride these next 9 months out in style... right.

i mean that i’m trying to stay focused, keep busy, be productive AND, of course, stay happy and healthy as well. i’ll spare you the details of what all that entails. suffice it to say that – well, nothing... ain’t much to say. probably up to the same sh@$t ya’ll are up to or in. excuse my français! :)

did i tell you my mother is coming? yup, it’s official... she’ll land in Yaounde on Sept 30th. i’ll be there for the EE [environmental education] meeting anyway. she’ll be here for 3 weeks. won-du-full!!! no, seriously... it is. i’m glad she’s coming.

i'll let you know how it goes. but hopefully in someone else’s journal. i'm tired of writing in mine! there are only 5 of us left writing [kay, nat, traci, robert and mohamad]... did ya’ll know that? hmmm...

aho!
Mohamad
9/17/2002
Wum